On holiday now...

Okay folks...I have had a merry Christmas and will most definately enjoy New Year's eve...I have a huge party to go to. It's at Noriko's folks house...it's going to be the four of us. I will spent most of the night sweating around the Nabe pot...soon you all will understand.
Due to the fact that I am on holiday now I will most likely not be posting too much...unless I get ambitious. But the truth is that I will have no reason to go to my office and will therefore not have access to the computer. So in the meantime I will redirect you all to my Doppleganger. Take care and I will talk to you all soon. Happy New Year! 2006...year of the Dog. Yeah.

It's friggin' snowin' man...

It's Friggin' snowin' man!!! Now for those of you that don't know I haven't seen the white stuff since last time I was home...almost a year ago. By the way, I miss you...I miss you all. Except for you know who...I don't miss you at all. So anyways back to the snow. Let me describe it for you: it's white, kinda heavy, you know not quite frozen solid but more semi-permiable. It's nice. However it has worsened conditions and it will be difficult for me to get around on my bicycle...thus I must walk to and fro hither and tither. I'm not extremely happy about that...but then again there really is nothing that I can do.
Today is payday...which means that I have to go Christmas shopping. So what does everybody want? Huh what's that? OH wait, I'm not Santa...and to be honest me getting you a present (unless you are my family) has about the same chances as the actual Santa coming down your chimney. However, if you work for Iowa Student loans you may consider a small fraction of your Christmas bonus (if they even give you one) to be in part from your's truly. What can I say, someone has to keep the spirit of giving alive.
So this weekend is Christmas. I am going to do my best to stay preoccupied, but I will still be missing all of you Stateside...very, very much. However I do want to say that I hope you all have a wonderful time together this holiday season and that you all get what you want from the ones you love.
I miss you.
I love you.
And my prayers and thanks go out to you all.
As they say in Japan, "Happy Merry Christmas!!!"

...and you thought that Rosie and Ellen were in deep...

So you all may be wondering just what it is that I do most of the time over here in Japan...or you may not care...or you may already know. Either way I will tell you one thing that I have started to do lately...look for more of this guy:

It is pretty funny to watch and also helps me improve my Japanese language ability. よし！ That means...something like good! or okay! or yeah! you pick the expression and it fits. See I'm improving already. And to think, a lot of it has to do with my friend HG. I won't bore you with my perspective, I will instead copy and paste an even better opinion by a semi-legitimate guy (I don't really know the man).

Here goes...

How gei can one get? 'Pretend gay' is as far as it gets

By PHILIP BRASOR

"Talent," or tarento, is the cushiest job in Japan -- maybe in the whole world. Though you are expected to have some kind of skill (gei), once you achieve a level of regularity as a TV variety show guest, the work is self-perpetuating, though it's by no means guaranteed forever. And rarely do successful tarento have to actually demonstrate their skills. They just have to be themselves.
If comedy seems to provide the shortest route to tarento stardom, it is also the most crowded, and distinguishing oneself from the next chucklehead is becoming more and more of a challenge. That's why many of the comedians who've had the most TV exposure in the past few years aren't always comedians in the strictest sense. They're more like guys with gimmicks.

One such guy is Michael, who performs elaborate aerobic dance steps while smiling broadly and telling one-liners that are mostly pun-based. Another single-monikered funnyman is Hiroshi, a former host-club employee who dresses the part (tacky suit, open collar) and, with hands in pocket and gaze cast downward, frets about the injustices he suffers and the general pointlessness of life in a woebegone voice.

Michael, whose act is clever but limited in scope, will probably be no more than a memory a year from now. Hiroshi, however, is gaining in popularity, which is ironic as his act is premised on the idea that he's a failure in everything he does. Now, when he appears on a variety show, he isn't always expected to stick to the act, which means he's graduated to tarento status.

Success-wise, there are more Michaels in Japanese show-biz then there are Hiroshis, so it will be interesting to see what the future holds for Laser Ramon (Masaki) Sumitani, a guy-with-gimmick who made his broadcast debut only last February and since then has become one of the most talked-about personalities on Japanese television.

At the moment, Sumitani only appears on one show, TBS's Saturday night comedy program "Daibakuten" whose segments are mostly suggested by viewers. Apparently, Sumitani got on the show by actually requesting to see his own alter ego, Hard Gay, a hardbody dressed in stereotypical S-M couture: black-leather hot pants, tight sleeveless zippered leather jacket, Beatle boots, big motorcycle sunglasses, and a leather cap.

Sumitani performs acts of yonaoshi (social improvement) in his Hard Gay persona, which, in addition to the striking costume, incorporates a great deal of suggestive pelvic thrusting and periodic outbursts of "Woooo!", a cry of abandon that has become as much of a trademark as Crayon Shin-chan's mischievous nasal tones.

Sumitani's gimmick is juxtaposing two manifestations of attitude that, while not mutually exclusive, aren't normally placed together in the same thought: being a responsible citizen and being a homosexual libertine who can't control his libido. Thus, when he approaches an elderly woman in the Sugamo district of Tokyo and offers to carry her across the street, it looks very strange.

Many people reject Sumitani's offers and suggestions. The sight of him with his crotch bobbing up and down and fingers furiously unzipping his jacket to expose his perfectly smooth abs and pecs seems to turn a lot of people off. "Gross!" exclaims a bunch of Shibuya girls when he appears in front of them on Fathers Day and asks if they've properly thanked their dads for all the work they have done. He waylays a couple of punks nearby and, after putting out their cigarettes in his pants ("You're not supposed to smoke while walking"), gets one of them to call his father on Hard Gay's own cell-phone (the "gay-tai") right there and then.

Hard Gay's beyond-the-pale antics position him closer to the anime/manga species of characters than they do to his fellow comedians. The gay thing is so stylized that it's impossible to take it at face value. Bondage freaks who dress this particular way make up a subculture that seems as corny as the Village People's "Greatest Hits." He's a stereotype in appearance only.

But it's a resolute stereotype. Almost all the messages on the "Daibakuten" BBS are about Sumitani, and they're invariably approving. Everyone from 11-year-old kids to middle age salarymen love the guy, mainly because he works so hard at his "gei," a pun that everyone uses. On camera, Sumitani never sheds his Hard Gay persona, which is irrevocably positive. Even when people on the street flee his advances screaming in terror, he has a joke at the ready and an ecstatic cry of "Woooo!"

But can he take the Hard Gay gimmick further? So far, Sumitani hasn't appeared anywhere else on TV, either as Hard Gay or with his partner in the comedy duo Lazer Ramon, or with yet another partner in the comedy sketch group Big Porno, a stage act.

Hard Gay's appeal is in the way his character interacts with people on the street, so he may not have much to offer in a variety show setting, where people mostly sit around and talk. Last week on "Daibakuten," he broke out of the yonaoshi pattern and tagged along with former idol singer Hiromi Go (their initials match) before a concert in Nagoya, and while it was funny watching Go squirm as Sumitani cajoled him into spanking him with a whip and joining him in a "Hard Gay dance," it wasn't nearly as interesting as the yonaoshi segments. . . . It was simply a series of dumb gay jokes.

Which brings up another question. Right now there are many popular tarento who are widely believed to be homosexual, but who never "come out" because it is still considered unacceptable. Here is a comic who, based on available intelligence, is not in fact gay but pretends to be in the most exaggerated way. If they all appeared on the same show, would they cancel each other out or double the fun? Everybody say "Woooo!"

The Japan Times: July 17, 2005
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Interesting stuff 'eh. He is fun to watch and I will try to tape some of the show for anyone interested in watching next time I come home.

For now...have a happy Christmas Season. And please stop writing Xmas. It just looks tacky. Thanks!

this has got to stop...

I can tell that the holiday season is in full swing back home...no one has posted a damn thing recently. Which also means that there is a good chance that no one will be reading this either.
Oh well. Enjoy your Turkey induced comas you sons-a...tis the season to be happy.
くそ！

I'm off to see the Buddha....the biggest Buddha in the world...

It was a lovely day in Amagasaki, Japan when myself and my little companion Noriko let out for the mighty and distant town of Nara. This lovely city is one of the oldest in Japan. It has been around for a long time and it saw many a happening...enough history already. It was a nice day and we took off early, must have been at least 11 am.
After about an hour on trains and the sort we arrived in the magical city. I had been told many a tale about this lovely place but didn't know what to expect..except for one thing: lots of deer and Buddhist temples. I had had a nightmare the night before about deers attacking us and taking our lunch boxes (or bento...it's just more fun to say; together now: ben-toe. Yeah!) So when we arrived I was extremely relieved to see that they had the mystical beasts under the control of ancient Buddhist monks. Like this fella.

Putting my fears to sleep like this hornless hunk of a beast I quickly donated my ¥10 and was soon blessed as to not be harmed by the mystical beasts.
Moving on, unmolested, my companion and I became one with the deer and soon found that they were rather fond of us. As can be seen in exhibits
A.
and B.
As we gently fed the deer and became a part of this ancient tradition...Nara by the way means "petting zoo" in Japanese. Interesting little tid bit wouldn't you say?
So we too got hungry, not the deer and I, but Noriko and I. So we say down in the city park and opened up our bentos and began to eat. It was lovely really. All around were people playing with these gentle beasts...and I eating my rice ball. Quite a way to spend a Saturday afternoon. All was well until the charm began to wear off (personally I think that the monk found out I really gave him a Chinese nickel...the value being far less then the recommended ¥10) and the deer attacked. Now I know that last week I alluded to the fact that some of the Monkeys in Minoh could be dangerous little thugs...but honestly, they couldn't hold a candle to these OG's. I tell ya what, I'm surprised Bambi turned out as well as he did after loosing his mother...because it definately seemed like these degenerates came from broken homes the way they attacked our table. First they took (and ate) or map so that we wouldn't know where the closest police station was, and then they tried to make a grab for our food. Now you all know me as a fun loving pacifist, but I tell ya what, I kicked the crap out of them deers...just kidding. I did however throw Norikos bento onto the ground, grabbed my own, and ran up a tree. That also is a joke.
So anyway the first deer (there were only two in the attack) came up on Noriko's right side and grabbed the map (diversion) while the one on her left tried to grab at her food. They of course didn't go for a thing near me...being as I am the closest embodiment of the Buddha that they have seen. So long story short, I grabbed the food and the girl and skeedaddled. We found another spot, set up camp, dried Noriko's tears (she was crying...they were pretty mean to her...head butting and all...no joke) and ate out lovely lunch.
After the meal and a little recon we felt that it was safe to move on.
After walking through the park we found ourselves at the gates of the mighty Todaiji Temple. This temple was built in 732 as a housing for the largest Buddha in the world (the Daibutsu). It is the largest all wood temple in these parts and again maybe the world. What you don't believe me with all of these "largest in the world" comments...well I will have you know I didn't have to duck all day.
Yeah whatever...look at it already.

It's pretty big 'eh?
The first thing that I saw, when walking through the main gates of the temple are these two huge mean looking guards. Now they had chicken wire like fencing protecting them...so the picture wasn't all that great, but inside the temple there were two more sculptures of the same scary guys...and they were also big. Probably made from the same cast...and one of them looked like this fella

cute isn't he.
More to come...have to go to class now.
Okay then, I'm back.
So anyway, there we were at the temple. We had escaped from the ravenous deer and found refuge in the company of the Diabutsuden, or really friggin' big Buddha. Now as much as I can gather this here Buddha is made to resemble of the reincarnations of the original Sidartha hisself. I am not sure what this Buddha's name is, but I do know that he is supposed to be the Buddha that will bring light to the world. Therefore the Buddha was made out of bronze from a cast that took three years to build and was then coated with gold. I did read a little story about the gold...when they first began to guild the big guy there was no gold in Japan, or moreover, no gold had been previously discovered in Japan. So all of it had to be imported from China and other nations abroad. This was frustrating. So they began a prayer a thon and lo and beholdith, gold was found in the north of Japan. Kinda interesting I thought.
So I bet that you are wondering what the big guy looks like...here, I'll give you a peak (but to be honest a little picture on my tiny blogger isn't really going to give you the full impression...you really should just come over here and visit me...)

After seeing the big guy we mosied around the temple and through the gift shop were be both decided that we didn't need any deer or buddha related materials...not even the bottle opener with one of the guards on it...which was tough to pass up, but I made Buddha proud and suppressed my desires.
After leaving the temple we wondered around the grounds of the park and related area. It really is a huge bit of land. We saw many more deer and they did get a little less harrassing after we left the temple...maybe the temple deer are like the dirty money changers that Jesus threw out and the deer outside of the enterance are more like you and me. Just a thought...but then again I don't think that even I am this cute.

Then we looked at more leaves. I know, I know, two weeks of trips to look at leaves? It's all about the aesthetics baby...speaking of, I think that my overalls make this picture more please. Example: My overall handsomness, overall aura, and overall pants. What do you think?

So as you that know me could imagine, I did become a little hungry as we walked and looked at all those leaves. So I began to think back to last week when I was in a similar situation. What did I do then? Well I took what nature offered me...sweet, sweet oak leaves. Now I know that some of you may think that I'm a monster, but I just couldn't help myself...or should I say I just couldn't not help myself to a mouthful of them tasty treats...

Now they weren't quite as good as the fried ones from the week prior, but they hit the spot. Also it wasn't all that awkward for me to eat 'em raw...after eating raw chicken, beef liver, horse, and all things aquatic the leaves felt rather normal. However as the day wore on I still felt hungry. Through a clearing in the woods we ran into a quaint little place
that offered us some tasty Zatsui...or at least I think that's what it's called. It was a sweetened red soy beans soup with a tasty little rice cake (not like in the states were it's dry and nasty without flavor or a heart, but more like pounded rice that becomes almost doughy and quite tasty). The dish and I looked like this (I hope that you like the pictures...sorry if there are too many of me...but honestly I know that so many of you miss me and so really it wouldn't be fair if I just didn't give you want you really wanted)

And as the night wore on we were chased from the park by the Deer who were out with flashlights looking for little children who had been separated from their parents for the evenings festivities.
The day was coming to an end.
As we rode the train back towards home we thought as to what else we could do...but instead sided with the immediate idea of sleeping on the train. Now I know that before I have been surprised at how easily the Japanese can sleep on trains, but now is the time for me to admit that they are wonderful to sleep on. I think that its the gentle rocking and the soft seat that has been warmed by so many of the people that came before me. The seats aren't like the Chicago "El" all cold and hard and crap, but they are instead upholstered with a fine fabric a lot like that of a Lutheran Church pew...you know, like a cattail...not like those hardwood Catholic pews.
So there we were sleeping and thinking as to what was next when I got hungry again. All of this heavy walking and running from deer made me hungry and some stinking leaves, beans, and mochi aren't going to fill up this stomach. Especially after all the viewing as well...Buddha, leaves, young women in uniforms, etc.
So we found our way to a nice little place where one of my students works. Its called something like "EE Nonde Kutte" Good Eat and Drink. The drink was a'ight but the food was talking to me.

Honestly, the little fishies looked up at me and said (this is a rough translation), "Hey La'do, you don' eat me I tell you where da man is who'sa gonna grantcha tree wishes." You'd think that he worked for Popeyes the way he talked. So I agreed and he told me and I ate him. Sucker...or was it salmon.
So I followed the directions and found the man I was looking for...he was a little tough to spot, but I thought that the bag stood out a little.
A think?

So I told him all about my run in with the fish and only said, "I hope ya ate the bastard. Ain't no one s'pposed ta know about me till after the Emperor's birthday." It was then that I realised that not only crazy cajun's and popeye poops talk like that, but anyone in the chicken biz. So Col. Claus continued, "I give ya three wishes. Whaddya want?"
So I thought for a minute and then said....
1 & 2 Gioza and Beer
and 3. A Drunken Yoda...I don't know if his speech problem is because he's Irish or because he's a drunk. Either way he's green and it fits. He kept going on all night about some new spoilers but I just told I didn't care and then by the end of the night it was pretty funny, he didn't have the force to make it to the bathroom.
Alright then...I'm tired. I hope that you enjoyed the picture post. I will be talking with you again sometime soon. Kudos!