"How's the shitzu?" "Tastes like crap."

It has been a while my friends. Over this little sabbatical I can only hope that I have not lost both of my readers. Come on guys; don’t give up on me yet…

Well nothing to new to report. Life is fair here in J-Pan. I am currently learning the language and have stayed out of bad bar situations for some time now. Recently I have been thinking about what I could write that I have not discussed before. There’s been weird experiences, food troubles, geography, nature, activities…just about everything. But I haven’t talked about the women. Oh the women. These confusing beasts are even stranger then the semi-domesticated creatures of the fairer sex at home.
I shall explain: you see, the Japanese society is extremely sexist. Now this isn’t your regular little slap on the rump, you look good “toots” sexism; it is institutionalized and heavily social. You know how people in America usually now scoff at the idea that the color pink represents girl and that blue means…boy, that’s right (good job). Well I am pretty sure that there are many individuals my age in Japan that still believe such things. This is only really scratching the surface as well. In one of my conversation classes a student informed the class that they were going to be taking a survey on what people look for in a partner (romantic partner that is…you know, dating material). I then took her survey and made it the topic of the class; I was curious, what do these people look for that may be different then myself? Hmmmmm….Well, I then found out that they seem to look for many of the same qualities that we do; such as sense of humor, communication, etc. Not too different then what you or I may look for in someone to grow old with. But then they spoke up, they being the older women in the class (mid-40’s or younger), and informed all of the younger women that they had better quit thinking about things like that and instead just go for the money. Honestly, they said that the most important thing about love was that you marry someone with wealth. This definitely was not the style of gold-digging that I was used to seeing; they were extremely overt about their aims and honest in their reasoning. Which was that each of their husbands had changed after they got married and that they had to then rely on money for their subsequent happiness. Wow. Now you may think to yourself, “Dan you big ninny, what does this have to do with sexism?” Well my response to you would simply be, “Well what do you think that created and fed the beast that these women now are if not their sexist husbands?” Question with a question…I know, shut up. It’s just sexism. The women here are a lot like the bicycles: they are very useful, many used for a long time leaving the rider happy and fulfilled. Others go through many in one year and do not think twice about it. But the biggest similarity rests in the fact that both are looked at and used simply as necessary utilities. Sad isn’t it? Oh well Japanese men are ugly. Who cares if they only marry the monsters that they have created.
Oh wait, there is more on relationships. Some parts of Asia still use the old school of thought and believe that when one gets married they have to then buy a house that is big enough not only for them and their newly betrothed, but also for the husband’s parents (if he is the oldest in the family) or the wife (if she is the oldest of a family of only daughters). When this occurs, especially with men whose parents move in, the wife is placed at the bottom of the pecking order and is used only as maid to the parents with the mother in-law usually barking out orders and administrating the home front. This may not be a shock to many of you, but did you know that they still really eat dogs in China? Seriously, dogs man. And horses too. I haven’t asked about monkey brains yet…but I got a feeling that I am going to get a big, “hai” on that question. Now that’s shocking.
Bottom line: to those of you who thought that I was going to bring home a Japanese, or just any ole Asian, bride I say to all of you now, “fat chance.” I can’t stand the way that they think, let alone understand what they are saying. Plus I really don’t want to have to live with her parents if her mother is an evil old hag (funny anecdote: do you know why it is that so many Japanese old women wear hats? Because they have horns. Or at least that is what I was told. The punch line was then followed up with the explanation that this is because “they are evil…like devils or snakes”). Ha. Crazy eastern mythology…So, rest assured mom, I’ll stick with women that you can berate in English. Ha.

Ps: they do have Chinese food in Japan, no dog though.