Happy Halloweend Kansai, or There but for the grace of God go I.

Have you ever had one of those life-altering experiences that really makes you sit back and think about the course of life? For some it may be drug induced, or perhaps it came as a near death experience. Well for me it was Halloween.
Before the weekend was here I knew that I was going to go out, and I knew that it was going to be quite the experience. The last train runs at about 12:30, which is no time to return from a night on the town. But then again the first train doesn’t come until about 5:30 or so in the morning. What would you do? It was going to be a long one.
The evening started at about 4pm when I first woke up (the night before was my first Karaoke experience…whoa, whole new world, and I’m not talking about the wonderful song from Disney’s Aladdin…maybe another time I will discuss this wonder, but for now, it’s Halloween and epiphany time).
Okay, where was I; Halloween, just got up at 4pm, and I needed a costume. Now since I am a large human being I knew that I could not go the most popular Japanese route which was to pick up a nicely packaged costume at some gijin store and throw it on. So I had to use a little thought. So, with very little thought I decided that I would obviously take the easy way out and just tie a couple of sheets around myself and viola, presto, change-o, TOGA! Woo-Hoo; instant linen party. So I was a Greek god for Halloween, or if you are an American, I was an American God, John Belushi.
Then it was out we went. Andres and I were to meet a few of our friends that work here at Eichi as well as a few of Andres’s former students. Upon meeting them at the Osaka station I thought that we would slowly fall into our costumes with the help of a few drinks; but no. Diasuke, Andres’s buddy, thought that we should just change right there at the station and walk around all of Osaka dressed as idiots. * Side note: I get stared at all of the time for looking out of place (I have even been called impure and pointed at because I was not Japanese). Why then would I decide that maybe it would be all right if I dressed like an idiot and walked around the second largest metropolitan area in Japan, fourth in the world, and said to the entire Japanese people, “not only did I vote for Bush last election but I am now uprooting the foundations of your culture with holidays like this?”
Because it was Halloween of course.
In order to best celebrate the American tradition we engaged in a wonderful traditional American meal at this quaint little restaurant called, “Outback steakhouse.” Heard of it? This is a wonderful place because it truly torments most native people. Why? Because it has Australian crap all over the walls, including a huge crocodile, but it’s an American Steakhouse. Oh the confusion! But we did get a free drink…yum yum.
Okay, quick time.
Eat.
Drink.
Ate.
Drunk.
Okay, now we are at a disco and it is time to take in the other idiots in costume. We had pimps, and drag-queens, and cowboys, oh my! There were even people in paisley bodysuits (I don’t know what to say or think about this style of costume. It was like the blue man suit, but in any color/design that you could imagine). But the best costume had to go to the person that looked the best.
They walked into the nightclub like they were walking into a…I don’t know. This person was very confused. They came dressed in tights, underwear (woman’s underoos), with a bra, and a monkey mask. I might add that the individual must have worked out because it’s female proportions were nicely accented. You know, well-defined abs, biceps, and shapely legs…oh wait, those are no female proportions’, it’s a man. Did I mention that Japanese men do not seem to have very much body hair? Or that they have very effeminate characteristics? Because they do. Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.
Quick time again.
Drink.
Sit.
Drunk.
Dancing.
The Japanese are not as bad at dancing as I thought they would have been. They really like the break dancing and, “You’ve Been Served (Right Title?)” seems very big here.

Well, it is time to be honest. I don’t remember too much past this point. I kind of fell off the planet. The few things that I do remember (the colored pencils for you to make your own sketch if you will):
l Being guided around by a kind friend of Diasuke who was dressed like a Priest
l Paying some street musicians \1,000 to play a song that I knew. They ended up with Norwegian Wood by the beatles.
l Getting people to partake in the vodka that I had been carrying around with me in my Nalgene bottles. Selling point: “Look, it’s okay, I can drink it…”
l Breaking open a bottle of Bailey’s on the curb because the darn thing wouldn’t open on it’s own accord. Twist tops can be so stubborn.
l Hitting the street a few times with my head…much like a bouncy ball.
I think that’s enough color for you to draw to your hearts content.
I awoke cold and alone (which is good) in my room at about 6pm the next night. I then spent the rest of the day, what little was left, contemplating my own existence (only natural I think). And I have offered up my penance, and I know I am forgiven. I hurt no one but myself. So, do not be worried, but instead do what I couldn’t do. Laugh your ass off. I would join you, but I think that I fell on a bicycle rack and bruised my rear, and it hurts when I chuckle. Te he…ow.
Happy Halloween.